Random thoughts.

1. I love my big sister. She has always been there for me, and I love that I can honestly call her my best friend.

2. I love my little sister too, but we are not so much best friends. I'd like to change that.

3. I used to be able to call my mom my best friend. I still love her dearly, but quite frankly she's been driving me crazy. I think our relationship would be much improved by my moving out.

4. I miss Matt.

5. I want to be married. Is it too soon to be feeling baby hungry? I think I'm nuts.

6. I REALLY hope I get a nanny job soon. Maybe that would settle my "wanna be a mommy" type feelings. And also move me away from home. And give me a purpose in life. Not to mention money. Lots of money.

7. I really miss Matt.

8. My face is broken out worse than it's ever been in my life. WHY????

9. Excited for Glee tonight. Brittany Spears episode. yayness.

10. I love Matt! And I hope I get a letter this week.

That is all.

Smile

Ahh the joys of the Utah State Fair...



Today I feel great. I feel positive change in the air, like things are finally going to start going my way. Or maybe just that fall is coming. Same thing, really.
P.S I finally got my letter on Monday. Its possible that I'll get another one either tomorrow or Friday. I'm in love :D also, 7 months done on friday, and as of today only 520 days left! Heck yes!

Love letters in text form

I just got through transferring all my old saved texts from Matt from my phone to the computer. Have I forgotten how stinkin' romantic that boy is or what? Not really, because he still sends amazing love letters that make my heart melt, but those ones are in Spanish, therefore requiring a lot of time and google translate, which doesn't always make complete sense. I'm just loving the flashbacks of how i felt the first time I recieved these messages, how amazing and full of love we both felt. Can I just post one example of one he sent me 2 months before he left on his mission:
December 19, 2009- I love you Kaylie so much! Its so crazy the way I feel about you. I just want to be with you so much you’re the only person I want to spend forever with and live happily ever after with and I want us to work out anything that comes our way. I’m sorry that I have caused us problems, and it may seem like I’m not sure of stuff but there is one thing im sure of, and that is that I love you so much Kaylie, no matter what may ever happen. I believe that when the time is right that the lord will let me know that you’re my sweetheart for life, but until then I think he wants me to forget those crazy strong feelings that I feel for you and devote myself solely to him. I actually think that is playing a big part in all this. Just know that I know I love you so much. You are supreme. I couldn’t ask for anything better then you my love please just know that I love you Kaylie. I want you to be the happiest girl ever.
Now to explain, we had been having lots of random stupid fights. And matt would sometimes say scary stuff like," I'm just not sure about things. I know I love you, but maybe I'm not in complete love with you. something feels different..." And I would have panic attacks about him not loving me anymore. And then one night he sends me this. Its like he had some sort of comfort come over him and it also somehow let him know Exactly the right thing to say to make me feel better. These wise words have helped me get through these seven months so far without him. And I know they will continue to bring me comfort over the next 17 months until he comes home. I KNOW that he loves me. I KNOW that I love him. And I also know that he does need to devote himself completely to the Lords work, and that I am not, nor should I be, his highest priority. And I am 100% okay with that :)

Halloween

This month, I am collecting items to send in a Halloween package. So I'm in a very Halloweenish mood. In fact, I'd like to just skip September altogether and go straight to October. I'm so excited for going to Cornbelly's, carving pumpkins, the witches at Gardner Village, haunted houses, homemade rootbeer and chili, dressing up, endless amounts of candy. The whole Shabang. This will be the first Halloween I've had in 4 years not spending it with Matt. This seems weird to me.

Frustration.

Sometimes I'm just so frustrated with Everyone! And one very special person is so talented that I can be frustrated with him as well, and yet he is the only person in this world I want to talk to. Alas, he is the only person in this world that I cannot talk to whenever I want. Oy, such is life. I miss Matt. Right now all I want is to rewind to about a year ago. Life made more sense then. Things were going right then. I was cuddled up in the arms of my love, probably doing homework together or something else very productive and promising. Probably listening to love songs and singing as we worked and stopping for kisses and talking about the future and how amazing it was going to be. At that time I was not in debt, stressed to my breaking point, and depressed beyond belief. I wasn't a big ole grouch all the time. What the heck has happened to me? I'm so sick of feeling like such a bum all the time. I need a job! I need money! I need school! I need a place to live away from my parents! I need a cell phone! I need a car! Then, I will be happy and content with life again. Although even with all those things, I'll still miss Matt. Unfortunately, that never ends. At least not for 18 more months.