Day 2-A song that you hate

I don't understand why this is one of the top christmas songs. It literally has nothing to do with Christmas. I love listening to christmas music, but when this one comes on, I have to turn it off.

Last Christmas- Wham!

Day 1- Your favorite song

I'm assuming this means favorite of all time, but that is an impossible question. So I will tell you my favorite song of the moment. Actually, its probably my favorite of the year. Its just so adorable and happy. If the moon fell down tonight -Chase Coy

Music

Hello, 30 day music challenge. I'll blog about real life eventually.
"It's the 30 day music challenge. Everyday for the next 30 days I'm going to dedicate a post to a certain song, according to this list:"


Day 1 - Your favorite song

Day 2 -A song that you hate

Day 3 - A song that makes you happy

Day 4 - A song that makes you sad

Day 5 - A song that reminds you of someone

Day 6 - A song that reminds you of somewhere

Day 7 - A song that reminds you of a certain event

Day 8 - A song that you know all the words to

Day 9 - A song that you can dance to

Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep

Day 11 - A song from your favorite band

Day 12 - A song from a band you hate

Day 13 - A song that reminds you of a breakup.

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love

Day 15 - A song that describes you

Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate

Day 17 - A song that you hear often on the radio

Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio

Day 19 - A song from your favorite album

Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you're angry

Day 21 - A song that you listen to when you're happy

Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you're sad

Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding

Day 24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral

Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh

Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument

Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play

Day 28 - A song that reminds you of summer.

Day 29 - A song from your childhood

Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year

Random thoughts.

1. I love my big sister. She has always been there for me, and I love that I can honestly call her my best friend.

2. I love my little sister too, but we are not so much best friends. I'd like to change that.

3. I used to be able to call my mom my best friend. I still love her dearly, but quite frankly she's been driving me crazy. I think our relationship would be much improved by my moving out.

4. I miss Matt.

5. I want to be married. Is it too soon to be feeling baby hungry? I think I'm nuts.

6. I REALLY hope I get a nanny job soon. Maybe that would settle my "wanna be a mommy" type feelings. And also move me away from home. And give me a purpose in life. Not to mention money. Lots of money.

7. I really miss Matt.

8. My face is broken out worse than it's ever been in my life. WHY????

9. Excited for Glee tonight. Brittany Spears episode. yayness.

10. I love Matt! And I hope I get a letter this week.

That is all.

Smile

Ahh the joys of the Utah State Fair...



Today I feel great. I feel positive change in the air, like things are finally going to start going my way. Or maybe just that fall is coming. Same thing, really.
P.S I finally got my letter on Monday. Its possible that I'll get another one either tomorrow or Friday. I'm in love :D also, 7 months done on friday, and as of today only 520 days left! Heck yes!

Love letters in text form

I just got through transferring all my old saved texts from Matt from my phone to the computer. Have I forgotten how stinkin' romantic that boy is or what? Not really, because he still sends amazing love letters that make my heart melt, but those ones are in Spanish, therefore requiring a lot of time and google translate, which doesn't always make complete sense. I'm just loving the flashbacks of how i felt the first time I recieved these messages, how amazing and full of love we both felt. Can I just post one example of one he sent me 2 months before he left on his mission:
December 19, 2009- I love you Kaylie so much! Its so crazy the way I feel about you. I just want to be with you so much you’re the only person I want to spend forever with and live happily ever after with and I want us to work out anything that comes our way. I’m sorry that I have caused us problems, and it may seem like I’m not sure of stuff but there is one thing im sure of, and that is that I love you so much Kaylie, no matter what may ever happen. I believe that when the time is right that the lord will let me know that you’re my sweetheart for life, but until then I think he wants me to forget those crazy strong feelings that I feel for you and devote myself solely to him. I actually think that is playing a big part in all this. Just know that I know I love you so much. You are supreme. I couldn’t ask for anything better then you my love please just know that I love you Kaylie. I want you to be the happiest girl ever.
Now to explain, we had been having lots of random stupid fights. And matt would sometimes say scary stuff like," I'm just not sure about things. I know I love you, but maybe I'm not in complete love with you. something feels different..." And I would have panic attacks about him not loving me anymore. And then one night he sends me this. Its like he had some sort of comfort come over him and it also somehow let him know Exactly the right thing to say to make me feel better. These wise words have helped me get through these seven months so far without him. And I know they will continue to bring me comfort over the next 17 months until he comes home. I KNOW that he loves me. I KNOW that I love him. And I also know that he does need to devote himself completely to the Lords work, and that I am not, nor should I be, his highest priority. And I am 100% okay with that :)

Halloween

This month, I am collecting items to send in a Halloween package. So I'm in a very Halloweenish mood. In fact, I'd like to just skip September altogether and go straight to October. I'm so excited for going to Cornbelly's, carving pumpkins, the witches at Gardner Village, haunted houses, homemade rootbeer and chili, dressing up, endless amounts of candy. The whole Shabang. This will be the first Halloween I've had in 4 years not spending it with Matt. This seems weird to me.

Frustration.

Sometimes I'm just so frustrated with Everyone! And one very special person is so talented that I can be frustrated with him as well, and yet he is the only person in this world I want to talk to. Alas, he is the only person in this world that I cannot talk to whenever I want. Oy, such is life. I miss Matt. Right now all I want is to rewind to about a year ago. Life made more sense then. Things were going right then. I was cuddled up in the arms of my love, probably doing homework together or something else very productive and promising. Probably listening to love songs and singing as we worked and stopping for kisses and talking about the future and how amazing it was going to be. At that time I was not in debt, stressed to my breaking point, and depressed beyond belief. I wasn't a big ole grouch all the time. What the heck has happened to me? I'm so sick of feeling like such a bum all the time. I need a job! I need money! I need school! I need a place to live away from my parents! I need a cell phone! I need a car! Then, I will be happy and content with life again. Although even with all those things, I'll still miss Matt. Unfortunately, that never ends. At least not for 18 more months.

Drunk Driver

Last night we were hit by a drunk driver. My older sister was driving, my mom in the passengers seat, and me Lindsey and two year old Gage in the back seat. I feel so lucky that nobody was hurt. just some wicked whiplash. I know for a fact we were being watched over. If the timing had been any different, at least some of us would have been seriously injured. He came speeding up behind us, didn't even try to hit the breaks. slammed into the back of the car and then his car spun up through a tree and onto the sidewalk, as a big case of beer flew out of his car. Are you kidding me? Please, please, please don't EVER drink and drive. There are way too many stories of people being killed this way. I'm lucky I wasn't hurt. I don't know what I would do if any one of us had been hurt. Especially little baby boy. Thank you Heavenly Father for watching over us and keeping us safe.

Red Lipstick

I bought red lipstick today. Matt doesn't like lipstick. For five years I haven't worn lipstick. But I got some today. Because Matt isn't here to disapprove.
I wish he was.
I wish I didn't have to wait weeks between hearing from him. I wish I could go ahead and get mad at him when his letter finally comes and it's not what I needed to hear. I wish I could get a text saying goodnight and I love you. It's hard to sleep without those. I haven't gotten to sleep very easily for 5 months now.
And I wish I could write about something else! It's not fair that I am thinking of him, missing him, all day, every day. Endlessly.

Bummer

So I got my tonsils out yesterday. Not the most drastic of surgeries, but still, I wish Matt was here :( I know if he was he would be taking good care of me, getting me whatever I need/want, rubbing my back, playing with my hair, distracting me. Sigh. I mean, I'll be fine. My mom is doing fine taking care of me, but its just not the same. Matt can ALWAYS make me feel better in a way that nobody else can. Oh well, no use being sad about it. On a happier note, Matt has been out for 3 months now! It's going by fairly quickly, this week being the exception. And I've heard from other girls that after the 3 month mark, times speeds up even more. Also, this week is our 3 year anniversary! I've got to send a package....I have a scrapbook thing, and a CTR ring, and tape recording to send him. I need to make him some cd's he asked for, and I also want to make some sort of treat to send with it. I wanted to get this all sent last week so he would get it in time. But I have no money with which to send it. I'd better get that out tomorrow. except I need to buy blank cd's. Which is where having no money becomes an issue. Maybe my mom will help me out.

Mothers Day

This weekend was kind of hard for me, as it is every year. May 9th is my dads birthday, and May 8th is the anniversary of his death. So during this Mothers day, while I was thinking about my mom and how much I love and appreciate and look up to her, I've also been missing my daddy. I can't help but think how different our lives would be if he was still here. I'm missing the life I never got a chance to have, because his was cut short. And just missing him in general. I wish I had been older, so I would have had a chance to get to know him better. Maybe it's better that I didn't. I never really knew the bad side, the drug addict side of my dad. I was just always daddy's little princess, and I always looked up to him. Obviously I still have those memories of the bad times, ten years old is old enough to figure out what was really going on. But the majority of my memories are good ones, and I am grateful for that.
In other news, Happy Mothers Day to my sweet mom! I love her with all my heart, and appreciate all that she does for me. She is my best friend, and I could not imagine life without her. Also Happy mothers day to my amazing sister. She has the cutest stinkin' kids I have ever met in my entire life, and she is such a good cute little mommy. I look up to her in lots of ways.
In other other news, I got to talk to Matt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't thank his mom enough for including me in her phone call. The whole family got in on a conference call, so it was his mom and dad and all three brothers and their wives and me. It was definitely different from what I'm used to. With my brothers, we always just had the one phone line, and everyone would take turns just talking to them alone. But yeah, so with Matt's family we were all on the line together. Which worked out fine, if anyone had something to say they just said it, and we all got to hear Matt's answer. He sounds like he is doing so good! He has a baptism set up already, and he has only been there for two weeks! It sounds like his ward and his area is just doing wonderfully. And he is being fed amazing food every night, and he loves his companion, and he is doing so awesome at speaking the Spanish. I'm so so proud of him. And it was great to hear his voice. ah, I love him!

Love Him!

Okay its been a while. Lets see...I got a package with a tape recording in it for my birthday present! That was super amazing. I have been listening to it every night. Oh and today I just found out that it has more on the other side, so thats exciting :) How did I find out about the flip side? Oh, Matt just told me during his PHONE CALL from the airport! Totally unexpected. He pretty much scolded me before saying he doesn't see why I would care when his flight is, that there is no way he will be calling me, it would be against the rules, blah blah blah. I was actually quite upset after that letter. But then HE CALLED! I really talked to him! It was kinda funny. I was laying in bed, sleeping, when my phone started vibrating and woke me up, I didn't recognize the number but for some reason I answered anyway. So I'm all sleepily like, Hello? And I'm kinda mad that this person woke me up. Then I hear, "Hello, Kaylie?" and I'm like ".....Yeah?" "Did I wake you up?" And thats when I realized, MATT! Honey! HI! I think I literally squealed, haha. He just started laughing at me. Oh my gosh he is sooo adorable! He told me he loved me lots of times. He said he thinks of me a milllion times a day. He said it was crazy being out of the MTC, seeing guys with long hair, and girls in tank tops. He saw one guy with a mohawk while he was talking to me, haha he says, "I feel like a rebel just looking at it" Out of the MTC bubble. He bore his testimony of prayer and building a relationship with our Heavenly Father, and reading the scriptures. He got a commitment out of me to do that every night. He has such a powerful spirit about him. Even through the phone, it really touched me. I'm honestly amazed. So yeah, thats my latest news. And I get to talk to him again on Mothers Day! Can't wait :)

No Worries

I got my letter today, but not before I sent one out totally guilt tripping him about not getting a letter on my birthday week. Whoops :/ Ha I guess I need to learn patience when it comes to getting letters. It was a big, fat, super sweet letter too. Ah I'm in love! Another poor Elder in Matt's district got Dear Johned, and I think it shook Matt up a bit. This guy was totally engaged, with a wedding date set and everything! Poor guy. But I told Matt that he NEVER needs to worry about that with us. I am totally and completely in love, forever :) I haven't had a doubt in my mind about marrying Matthew since day one. I'm soo happy right now! Matt also said that he has a surprise birthday present set up for me, and he was super excited about it, and that he just knows I am going to love it. This makes me so very curious...I wasn't expecting any sort of present from him at all. What could it be?

Birthday Week

I'm nineteen years old! Crazy stuff. It was a really good day. I was really bummed at first, because I had to work. But after I was up there, the boy I was going to be watching canceled, so I got to go home! So I got home, and frosted Easter sugar cookies with my sisters. Then we went out to lunch/ shopping at Tae Pan and Hobby Lobby. There are so many cute things at these places to decorate your house! I cannot wait until I can seriously be shopping for that stuff for OUR home. Then that night my mom took us out to a movie. We saw The Last Song. I really liked the movie, but I really want to read the book. I loved the story line, but Miley Cyrus bugs me, so that put a damper on the movie. Ugh it was a sad one tho. Definitely a tear jerker. Then we got dinner at Red Robin. Yumm :) And today, Sunday, I got my birthday dinner combined with Easter dinner. My mom gave me this learn Spanish computer program, basically just like Rosetta Stone. I'm so excited! I wanted to learn Spanish way bad while Matt is gone, so we can speak it together in our home :) Basically, I love my family. They do so much to make me feel special and loved, and I know they care about me. Especially my mom. She is such a sweetheart, I know she tries so hard to give me the world and make me happy. I love her so much, I don't know what I'd do without her. The Big Bummer of everything tho, is that I didn't get a letter this week :( I'm missing Matt so so much! I'm missing the whole, presents and a nice date and a birthday kiss and having him there hanging out with my family, holding my hand. And gosh darn it I needed to hear from him this week! I guess I sorta did tho...He left me three letters in envelopes the night he left. they said, Do not open until your birthday, Do not open til Anniversary, Do not open til Christmas. So I opened my birthday one. I'll post it up here:
Dear Kaylie,
Happy Birthday to the sweetest of girls who ever existed. Now you might think its silly to write you letters to you beforehand when I'll send you occasion cards while on my mission, but the difference is that I can't feel homesick about talking about stuff when I write them now :) Lets do a recap of all our birthdays together. I think by far your lamest birthday with me was #15 because I didn't even really know about it. Thats ok I don't feel too guilty about that one. The next one, #16 was definitely a step up. I remember it was just after you cut your hair short and it looked so good. Gosh now that I think back, you were thee best friend ever! I was so excited everytime I got to see you :) I can't really remember what we did but i do remember that I got you that thin long sleeved shirt thing. Not my best effort, but hey! I was still a beginner. #17 was probably my next lamest. I downloaded two cds off itunes and put them on cds for you. Though I did think that personalized kids songs cd was hilarious :) hahahaha:) I really think that #18 was my shining moment. Honestly and a little shamefully i cannot remember what I got you. I just remember what we did and how amazing that whole day felt :) I tried extra hard all day to be really nice and sweet. I remember how we went to Goodwood but it was a really long wait so i decided to fill up on Frogurt. Haha and since that wasn't enough, I decided to order a Giant plate of nachos as an appitizer. haha by the time we both got our food that we ordered we were so stuffed. haha pretty smart on my part. So we let our stomachs settle a little bit. Then we parked ourselves at Lonepeak to go sledding. haha man that was some great ice to slide and fall on haha. without a doubt teh best part was our special little dance. You looked so gorgeous in your peacoat :) That dance party was all kind of an on-the-spot decision but it was amazing. I hope your day today is just as special. I hope you enjoy Alice in Wonderland. I love you so much forever and always :) Mmmmmwaa!
Love,
Matt

Okay, so I appreciate that, but I hope he didn't think that would count as a letter for my birthday week! It's super sweet that he does remember all of that tho. I love that we have that many years together to recall! And there is an eternity of more still to come! He just has to miss these two. I can deal with that. Okay now that I vented I am feeling much much better. And I'm glad I typed that letter out. It made me appreciate it more. Mm I love him so much!

Two Letters!

Yay I got a letter yesterday with a bunch of pictures, and another long letter today! I guess the mail got backed up or something. Apparently he hadn't heard from me for two weeks either. But he got my packages, he is doing really well, he is looking super cute, and he loves me :) I feel a thousand times better! I love that boy so much! Oh so last night I made this digital scrapbook thing on ourhubbub.com. Its one of those things where you put in all the pictures online and choose the layout and colors and say what you want and stuff, and then they will publish it into a nice little book for you. I made one before, for my little boy in the preschool class I took/taught, and it turned out really nice. I've been wanting to make one for myself ever since. So anyway last night I finally did! Its just got a bunch of pictures of me and Matt, from the time we met up til the day he left. I'm so excited for it to get here!

missing you.

I MISS MATT! I need him. I don't know what it is right now, but my heart is just aching for him. I need him here to wrap his arms around me and just, be there. Maybe it's just because I didn't get a letter last week. I dunno. This is probably the saddest I've felt since he left. Tonight it just feels more real. He is really gone. How am I gonna last two years of this? I don't think I'm strong enough to handle this. I just want him home. Ugh, I'm so pathetic. It's barely been one month. I know he is doing the right thing. I know he is supposed to be there, not here. I'm glad he is out serving the lord. But I miss him. End of story.

Our Story

This picture was taken a couple of months after we met. This is our story:

When I was 14 years old, in ninth grade, my life wasn't going so great. Depression, bad friends, and poor choices had me going down a path that I didn't want to be on. So I began praying like crazy for God to help me find a new friend. Somebody who would lift me up, and help me remember and keep my standards and values. Somebody who I could be myself around, who would love and accept me for who I am. I needed a good friend so badly. Cut to November, 2005. I walked in late to my English class one day, and there was a new boy sitting there. My first thought was that this was the cutest guy i had ever seen. When he stood and introduced himself, "My name is Matt. I'm from California, and no I do not surf," I was charmed. But I figured he would be swooped up by some popular group of people, and I would probably never really know him. Boy, was I wrong. I was pleasantly surprised when, a couple days later, one of my guy friends invited Matt to eat lunch with us. I found myself easily conversing with him, overcoming my usual shyness. We just clicked. It wasn't long before we were the best of friends. I never quite got over my initial crush, but that didn't matter. We were best friends, and I had never been happier. As time went on, going into high school together, our relationship naturally progressed. As we got closer, it was as natural as breathing to say "I love you", to give each other the biggest hugs, back rubs. Pretty soon that turned into holding hands and cuddling in movies, and kisses on the cheek. All of it without a second thought. But we were just "best friends". I tried to date other guys, but nobody could even compare. Then about a week after I turned 16, Matt kissed me. I couldn't believe how incredibly wonderful it was. That's when I truly realized that I was in love with him. However, fear of ruining our friendship made things very complicated, and we decided we needed to back off. But I could not shake the feeling, that yes, this is my best friend. And thats how I want it to be for not just the rest of my life, but for eternity. I wanted to spend forever with Matt. A month later, it finally came to a tear filled confrontation of our true feelings. We were in love, and that's that. No more fighting it. Once we accepted that, it was all very easy. From that time, and still today, I love him more and more every day. Not that our relationship has been perfect, far from it. But I know we can handle anything. We can work through anything, and be happy together forever.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why I am waiting. I know that Matt is doing the right thing by serving a mission, and I know that when he is done, he will come home to me. I can wait two years for eternity with the man of my dreams.

One Month Down

Matt has officially been gone for one month. He is still in the MTC, he'll be there for another month still since he is learning Spanish. I miss him. A lot. But not as much as I had feared. I think the anticipation of him leaving was a lot worse then him actually being gone. I love writing letters and making packages. I love love love getting letters. I miss phone calls and texting though. I hate waiting a week for a reply. I'm trying to stay busy, to keep my mind off things. Nothing is worse than just having absolutely nothing to do. Thats when I miss him the most. Matt and I were basically joined at the hip ever since we first met. If I was ever bored, with nothing to do, he was either right there with me, or texting me non stop if he couldn't be with me. But I'm really trying to stay positive. I dream about him almost every night, and that has been a great comfort to me. I feel like I'm still getting to spend time with him :) I don't think its dawned on me quite how long two years is. I'm just taking it day by day.
p.s. that is a picture of Elder Sheets. Isn't he handsome? :)